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Anarchy in the City of the Restless Mind

by True Joshua

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1.
In a coastal caravan She met a gypsy man Only had a dollar in his pocket Liberated from her mild-mannered ways They fucked in a hazy blaze His name was David He sang the oldies And when the cynical condemn your preference made You just gotta fade Troubadours in Perth Spirits of the Earth Living off their empty pockets Was he to trust? Fuck it It was out of lust But who says lust cannot turn into love? His name was David He sang with birdies And when the bigots just won't go Won't go away You just gotta stray Sing your gypsy song He's leaving town he can't stay for too long Do your gypsy dance Let it out while you still have the chance Wear your gypsy ring We're all cogs in life's grand machine Be your gypsy queen Yourself, the one that's never been seen His name was David He sang for Gandhi And when you don't know what to do Just be you.
2.
Breaking the mold of a prodigal son His virtue was his fortune won A martyr at heart Deceiver in part Alone traversing the rolling hills Dispersed the cancer slowly kills He rests his head in a hospital bed And he said "I'm slipping away Please don't forget me and do not regret me You're always my friend I'm right here till the end And this, this was my last day Destiny called to now light's what I'll crawl to Please don't be ashamed of my slipping away" With that he let go lots of tears from his eyes He knew it was coming to him no surprise Then he lost control Feeling much too cold Took a knife from my pocket, dug into my skin Maybe self-mutilation should never begin But his tortuous pain hurt more than the scars that remain And he said "I'm slipping away Please don't forget me and do not regret me You're always my friend I'm right here till the end And this, this was my last day Destiny called to know light's what I'll crawl to Please don't be ashamed of my slipping away" **(s/w)** James Wesley Warden, my only friend. Tenacious you were until the plug was pulled and the mortal siren pierced the ears of your loved ones. Your lungs were black, yet you continued to drag. Your bones were brittle, yet you continued to march. Your heart was drained, and yet, you continued to love. ‡ You once told me that the difference between a man and a monster was in his level of indulgence in all things destructive. What you didn’t say was how disturbing it would be to see the monster destroy the man from the inside out. You lived it, we merely watched. ‡ You were brought into a world that was yours before you even took your first steps. You were given access to cities of the cultivated mind, though yours would eventually grow restless. You were like a brother to me. But I guess anyone can easily lose their sense of self when all they do is give and give and give. What good did you do for yourself James? We lost you because out of all of the beloved ones in your life, you loved yourself the least. You let the monster win. Sincerely, Aiden. **(s/w)** 5th of February, 25 and blue, 9:08 in a world of hate James met his fate as he slipped away into his cold lonely grave I'm so ashamed of his slipping away He slipped away I won't forget you He slipped away This was his last day.
3.
Descent 02:21
I'll catch you up as we make our descent We're a family of squatters We reside in the large abandoned house near the train depot We were never welcome but nobody could legally banish us from our dilapidated palace ‡ You see, a generation ago, David Azure Blue the gypsyman and excommunicated Scarlet Rose Red eloped in the midst of adventure and lust in the out of doors His past was abusive and cryptic Hers privileged and neurotic He's the kind of man who plants his seed and expects others to cultivate it She's the kind of woman who was taught that pleasing others would make her happy They were codependent for all the wrong reasons In time, they would reluctantly welcome me, Aiden Juneau Arson and my twin sister, Violet Rose Belligerence into their world ‡ My scrawny frame and flagrant defiance prematurely cast me as a deviant who would fail to thrive Scarlet cared for me at a distance when she wasn't preoccupied David never showed me any love, but he did show me how to start a fire He no longer wanted to be responsible for keeping the house warm I was expected to provide without many opportunities to receive And without the brotherly guidance of James, I began to question my morality with every strike of the match But despite my disposition, I knew that I'd have to be the one to spark the light at the end of the tunnel ‡ Conversely, Violet quickly fit the mold of a princess growing up From an early age, she was forced to become a spitting image of Scarlet in her youth, if not more refined Her precocious nature and conventional cuteness as a child made her more deserving of future success At least that's what our mother believed But beneath Violet's calm and collected exterior, she suffocates And when she cannot conjure up the breath to speak, I must do so for her She is my sister after all.
4.
You think you know her but you don't She just wants to be alone So she can paint a picture that screams Who Mom and Dad want her to be Forcing smiles masking misery Violet Rose Belligerence was Born to be the golden child Glistening in fabricated pride Her foundation is unstable She subscribes to Scarlet's Label Oh didn't you want to be One with serenity? What she reads in magazines It's all so fucking obscene She never wanted to live society's formulaic dream (jaded ecstasy) Under pressure she will crash and burn Manic Violet she will never learn Oh didn't you want to be The one to set you free? Belligerent Mourning Star, you are The one who knows me best Belligerent Violet Rose, you chose To run away and decay Belligerent Sister Dear, you fear (that) You'll slip away just like James.
5.
Canvas Gray 05:10
From Violet: Mother dearest heed my call You're always on the other line Present only in due adoration You live through my youth vicariously When will you set me free? From David: Your love for me is fading grey It doesn't have to be this way Bruises are but kisses black and blue tattooed In your retreat, contempt is cast Your front will never last From Scarlet: Agitate the family scheme Revisions coupled with farewell Delusions of nostalgia paralyzing my dreams I'll leave behind what was once dear Your love was bruising Please believe me when I say we're all in the grey Belligerence, Juneau, and gypsy man Will you still love me When I paint my old family canvas grey?
6.
Zelig 05:06
I am the Zelig of the world No one loves me for who I am I roam the streets without a face But nobody gives a damn So please recollect all of my many façades And place them in my box of sorrows Drench them in tears my flammable propane tears And watch it burn Our mother chose to run away To pursue her own endeavors And since Scarlet couldn't bear to stay All our ties will soon be severed So please resurrect my past persona then Ship it in my box of hopes and dreams Address it to the inkeep of the hotel on Warden Drive She asks how But I need her now I am drowning again in my own obsession I've found love, she bears eyes of teal The clocks are melting on the wall This is surreal David Blue admit that you knew all along that this family would spark altercation Violet Rose, the one who knows me best, you're lost in your medication Scarlet Red, you're a free soul bound to a bed searching for inspiration I must face adversity with grace cause I can't stand to be at my demons' beck and call What I'd like to say To the world is that I'm here to stay I am not the Zelig of the world.
7.
Traverse 01:23
I needed some time to wander, to get lost Instead of blending in, I wanted to be exposed Enlightened, I decided to take a trip to see the Joshua trees They remind me of what could have been ‡ While hopping trains I met the whimsical Jade Sinclair Her teal eyes and omnipotent soul chose to accompany me After a few days on foot, we found a forest alive with Joshua trees We listened to what they had to say ‡ To my pleasant surprise, Jade heard his true, unborn voice And with gentle assurance, he guided us to a bed of red and purple roses Asleep in the floral cushion, we began to fall through time Soon, we awoke and emerged from the backyard rose bush unscathed ‡ Three months had passed and only Violet knew of my absence She informed me that Mom was moving back in a week Was our family destined to make amends Or would physical, emotional, and substance abuse continue to persist?
8.
Make me believe that substances you abuse give you depth You're inept cause everything you see, you focalize in Novocain dreams The pain you try to mask it renders apathy Kobefam Dad and Vi are on their knees Begging you to help them ease the pressure, the pain, insanity's game To them you are divine and all their faith is in your hands David Azure Blue, look at you, you piece of shit You're the one who started it When Scarlet walked out, you knew without a doubt that you would Inject a needle to dissect your broken heart Violet Rose Belligerence Patience was your greatest vice Now you pop pills to get high Instant release into disease, you make haste What goes up must come down and fall into it's place Both of you are trapped in suspended animation Neither living nor dead, pupils dilated David life escapes you, Violet life it drains you Battle your addiction to improve your self-depiction Both of you are trapped in suspended animation Neither living nor dead, in the grey jaded James he slipped away I'm still the Zelig to this day Mourning Star your bright light overshadowed gypsy nights What do you see in him? (1/2/3: Kobefam) What do you see in him? (1/2/3: so-called/wasted/lucid god) What do you see in him that you don't see in [...]? [1/2/3: greed/family/me] (1/2: take me in/cleanse my sins) What do you see in him? What do you see in him? What do you see in him that you don't see in yourself?
9.
You're not welcome here anymore Life it goes on when you pack your things and leave it all Behind your smile there is a frown That renders you joyful when you're, when you're turned upside down Find out what you love and let it kill you Cry the pain away The salt from your tears will cleanse all your ailing wounds That you gave yourself with that dagger of a mind you possess And you're not welcome there either And life it stands still when you freeze time With your cold stare that hinders Your capability to see the sun shine on a cloudy day Find out who you are and please embrace it Give yourself a break Your self-deprecation and twisted observation of your hidden innovation is what is holding you back Let loose from the noose that strangles your troubled soul Breaking into your own house You locked yourself out When you swallowed the key.
10.
There is anarchy in the city of the restless mind And the people aren't so kind And there is anarchy in this very domesticity This house is a home but it lacks a family Do you remember when we had those hopeless fantasies About who we wanted to be? Despite the letters that I wrote we were always at our parents' throats I'm sorry but I can't devote My time to all their aspirations I need to meet my own There is anarchy in the city of the restless mind And the people aren't so kind And there is anarchy in this very domesticity This house is a home but it lacks a family Do you recall when you cried when your best friend Amy died? She was already dead inside Sister I can't help but feel that little Amy wasn't real But rather a greater appeal To your own self-esteem It never ends, it's a reoccurring dream There is anarchy in the city of the restless mind And the people aren't so kind And there is anarchy in this very domesticity This house is a home but it lacks a family.
11.
Resent 01:22
Violet is gone and I miss her She ran away to inhibit her decay David kept beating Mom, so Belligerence cut him up and left At least he felt something for once ‡ My sister will never be more than a tenant to him And just like his new scars, her eviction is permanent Not a single record of her existence remains under his roof He burned the evidence, so I'll burn ours too ‡ Xanax and Cabernet was their only form of father-daughter time Instead of killing the pain they killed time And while Scarlet kills time searching for her baby girl I will live up to my arson moniker ‡ Here is a home Strip it of its family and it becomes a house Drench it in propane tears, ignite it and it becomes art I will burn this fucking house to the ground and I will have the last word.
12.
Thinking about all the times I fell down to the ground You were there soothing me with sedating sounds And here I sleep and I dream till all the pain is gone All the gashes and bruises they've been here way too long (My love) If I asked you to hold my hand would you do it? You'd probably say no There's a life that I want to live free of regret Hatred and sin, tonic and gin But I can't cause I burned down the house and there's no going back No going back Breaking every single tie I had with family Mom and Dad they split apart tearing at the seams And here I weep and I scream till all the pain is gone All the memories good and bad they make me feel withdrawn (My love) If I asked you to hold my hand would you do it? You'd probably say no There's a life that I want to live free of regret Hatred and sin, tonic and gin But I can't cause I burned down the house and wish I could forget Oh I regret Don't forgive my sins Suicide pervades my thoughts My 45 is waiting for me in a box on the top shelf You suggested that I change in order to make you feel a certain way about yourself Happiness is only real when it's shared with those who care and know just how you feel An Insignificance I am to world and all my friends we've become so estranged Insignificant that's what I am Why am I alive? Just kill me so I can die An insignificance that's who I am No one knows my name It doesn't matter it's all the same Insignificant that's what I am I've seen better days Through my everlasting gaze An Insignificance that's who I am Here are my famous last words Please forgive my sins.
13.
Live 01:09
Live for today, tomorrow, and the next Live to risk complacency for growth Live, for there is beauty and strength in vulnerability Live to love ‡ Live to connect, create, and share with others Live for change Live to experience the full spectrum of human emotions Live, for there is life outside of your own.
14.
She, oh, she told him he's worthless to mankind But he, he tries to erase her from his restless mind But he can't because he remains scared And he tried so hard to give the world to her, his dear But she only wanted love Here he stands A man on a journey to seek his purpose in life But how can he pursue his dream When she's destroyed his will to live? Say what she wants you to say now David you've lived in fear thinking that you were never good enough She speaks the truth when she says somebody else Has been found She's the amethyst but you are the diamond in the rough Life's too short to live in fear Seize the day, the rest of your life starts here Prove them wrong and sing your song Remember I am always here standing by listening Here he stands A man on a journey to seek his purpose in life But how can he pursue his dream When she's all that he's dreamt? Go and show them what you're worth Brand new start, a rebirth Go and show them what you've done Individuality has won Time goes by and she's still on his mind And Scarlet Rose you should know that dad's alright.
15.
Forgive 05:06
I've let my fluctuation of serotonin sabotage happiness for too long It is time I forgive myself and my family, as letting go will propel our souls into serenity ‡ To my mother, Scarlet Rose Red: You were right to ask for the divorce Your bipolar nature morphed your love into different shades of mania and melancholy You recognized that all of us needed to go our separate ways It was for the best and I was wrong to question your motives And though I struggle to express it, know that part of me will always love you genuinely ‡ To my father, David Azure Blue: You were tired of living a lie Your borderline personality predisposed you to fragmenting and manipulating your relationships You started multiple families in multiple places before ours to fill the void that was your childhood Despite your absent-mindedness, you were the only one of us not to abandon ship, and I commend you Though I struggle to express it, know that part of me will always love you deep down ‡ To my sister, Violet Rose Belligerence: You were the one to set you free Your dysmorphic perception of your body was belligerent at worst You rejected the shelter of privilege in order to see the world as it is May the moniker of aggression no longer hold back your smile, and may our paths cross again in time And though I struggle to express it, know that part of me will always love you without a doubt ‡ To Jade Sinclair: You remain an enigmatic messenger of mediation Your guidance through the boxcar nights, trip to the Joshua trees, return to the homestead and up to the nuclear diaspora is the reason I'm still here You sent yourself to speak for Joshua I can't thank you enough ‡ As for me, I will patiently serve time for my crime of arson All that remain are the tracks that pave the path I once traveled Although society will forever cast me on the outskirts, what I have to share is no underdog story I must recognize that much of my anguish is derived from the distorted lens of my looking glass And now as I remove the filter, I can finally see the light at the end of the tunnel, and it has never shined brighter.

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released April 14, 2017

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True Joshua Tallahassee, Florida

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