Anarchy in the City of the Restless Mind

by True Joshua

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released April 14, 2017

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Track Name: David the Gypsy
In a coastal caravan
She met a gypsy man
Only had a dollar in his pocket
Liberated from her mild-mannered ways
They fucked in a hazy blaze

His name was David
He sang the oldies
And when the cynical condemn your preference made
You just gotta fade

Troubadours in Perth
Spirits of the Earth
Living off their empty pockets
Was he to trust? Fuck it
It was out of lust
But who says lust cannot turn into love?

His name was David
He sang with birdies
And when the bigots just won't go
Won't go away
You just gotta stray

Sing your gypsy song
He's leaving town he can't stay for too long
Do your gypsy dance
Let it out while you still have the chance
Wear your gypsy ring
We're all cogs in life's grand machine
Be your gypsy queen
Yourself, the one that's never been seen

His name was David
He sang for Gandhi
And when you don't know what to do
Just be you.
Track Name: Slipping Away
Breaking the mold of a prodigal son
His virtue was his fortune won
A martyr at heart
Deceiver in part
Alone traversing the rolling hills
Dispersed the cancer slowly kills
He rests his head in a hospital bed

And he said "I'm slipping away
Please don't forget me and do not regret me
You're always my friend I'm right here till the end
And this, this was my last day
Destiny called to now light's what I'll crawl to
Please don't be ashamed of my slipping away"

With that he let go lots of tears from his eyes
He knew it was coming to him no surprise
Then he lost control
Feeling much too cold
Took a knife from my pocket, dug into my skin
Maybe self-mutilation should never begin
But his tortuous pain hurt more than the scars that remain

And he said "I'm slipping away
Please don't forget me and do not regret me
You're always my friend I'm right here till the end
And this, this was my last day
Destiny called to know light's what I'll crawl to
Please don't be ashamed of my slipping away"

**(s/w)**

James Wesley Warden, my only friend. Tenacious you were until the plug was pulled and the mortal siren pierced the ears of your loved ones. Your lungs were black, yet you continued to drag. Your bones were brittle, yet you continued to march. Your heart was drained, and yet, you continued to love.

You once told me that the difference between a man and a monster was in his level of indulgence in all things destructive. What you didn’t say was how disturbing it would be to see the monster destroy the man from the inside out. You lived it, we merely watched.

You were brought into a world that was yours before you even took your first steps. You were given access to cities of the cultivated mind, though yours would eventually grow restless. You were like a brother to me. But I guess anyone can easily lose their sense of self when all they do is give and give and give. What good did you do for yourself James? We lost you because out of all of the beloved ones in your life, you loved yourself the least. You let the monster win.
Sincerely,
Aiden.

**(s/w)**

5th of February, 25 and blue, 9:08 in a world of hate
James met his fate as he slipped away into his cold lonely grave
I'm so ashamed of his slipping away

He slipped away
I won't forget you
He slipped away
This was his last day.
Track Name: Descent
I'll catch you up as we make our descent
We're a family of squatters
We reside in the large abandoned house near the train depot
We were never welcome but nobody could legally banish us from our dilapidated palace



You see, a generation ago, David Azure Blue the gypsyman and excommunicated Scarlet Rose Red eloped in the midst of adventure and lust in the out of doors
His past was abusive and cryptic
Hers privileged and neurotic
He's the kind of man who plants his seed and expects others to cultivate it
She's the kind of woman who was taught that pleasing others would make her happy
They were codependent for all the wrong reasons
In time, they would reluctantly welcome me, Aiden Juneau Arson and my twin sister, Violet Rose Belligerence into their world



My scrawny frame and flagrant defiance prematurely cast me as a deviant who would fail to thrive
Scarlet cared for me at a distance when she wasn't preoccupied
David never showed me any love, but he did show me how to start a fire
He no longer wanted to be responsible for keeping the house warm
I was expected to provide without many opportunities to receive
And without the brotherly guidance of James, I began to question my morality with every strike of the match
But despite my disposition, I knew that I'd have to be the one to spark the light at the end of the tunnel



Conversely, Violet quickly fit the mold of a princess growing up
From an early age, she was forced to become a spitting image of Scarlet in her youth, if not more refined
Her precocious nature and conventional cuteness as a child made her more deserving of future success
At least that's what our mother believed
But beneath Violet's calm and collected exterior, she suffocates
And when she cannot conjure up the breath to speak, I must do so for her
She is my sister after all.
Track Name: Belligerent Mourning Star
You think you know her but you don't
She just wants to be alone
So she can paint a picture that screams
Who Mom and Dad want her to be
Forcing smiles masking misery

Violet Rose Belligerence was
Born to be the golden child
Glistening in fabricated pride
Her foundation is unstable
She subscribes to Scarlet's Label

Oh didn't you want to be
One with serenity?

What she reads in magazines
It's all so fucking obscene
She never wanted to live society's formulaic dream (jaded ecstasy)
Under pressure she will crash and burn
Manic Violet she will never learn

Oh didn't you want to be
The one to set you free?

Belligerent Mourning Star, you are
The one who knows me best
Belligerent Violet Rose, you chose
To run away and decay
Belligerent Sister Dear, you fear (that)
You'll slip away just like James.
Track Name: Canvas Gray
From Violet:
Mother dearest heed my call
You're always on the other line
Present only in due adoration
You live through my youth vicariously
When will you set me free?

From David:
Your love for me is fading grey
It doesn't have to be this way
Bruises are but kisses black and blue tattooed
In your retreat, contempt is cast
Your front will never last

From Scarlet:
Agitate the family scheme
Revisions coupled with farewell
Delusions of nostalgia paralyzing my dreams
I'll leave behind what was once dear
Your love was bruising

Please believe me when I say we're all in the grey

Belligerence, Juneau, and gypsy man
Will you still love me
When I paint my old family canvas grey?
Track Name: Zelig
I am the Zelig of the world
No one loves me for who I am
I roam the streets without a face
But nobody gives a damn
So please recollect all of my many façades
And place them in my box of sorrows
Drench them in tears my flammable propane tears
And watch it burn

Our mother chose to run away
To pursue her own endeavors
And since Scarlet couldn't bear to stay
All our ties will soon be severed
So please resurrect my past persona then
Ship it in my box of hopes and dreams
Address it to the inkeep of the hotel on Warden Drive

She asks how
But I need her now
I am drowning again in my own obsession
I've found love, she bears eyes of teal
The clocks are melting on the wall
This is surreal

David Blue admit that you knew all along that this family would spark altercation
Violet Rose, the one who knows me best, you're lost in your medication
Scarlet Red, you're a free soul bound to a bed searching for inspiration
I must face adversity with grace cause I can't stand to be at my demons' beck and call

What I'd like to say
To the world is that I'm here to stay

I am not the Zelig of the world.
Track Name: Traverse
I needed some time to wander, to get lost
Instead of blending in, I wanted to be exposed
Enlightened, I decided to take a trip to see the Joshua trees
They remind me of what could have been



While hopping trains I met the whimsical Jade Sinclair
Her teal eyes and omnipotent soul chose to accompany me
After a few days on foot, we found a forest alive with Joshua trees
We listened to what they had to say



To my pleasant surprise, Jade heard his true, unborn voice
And with gentle assurance, he guided us to a bed of red and purple roses
Asleep in the floral cushion, we began to fall through time
Soon, we awoke and emerged from the backyard rose bush unscathed



Three months had passed and only Violet knew of my absence
She informed me that Mom was moving back in a week
Was our family destined to make amends
Or would physical, emotional, and substance abuse continue to persist?
Track Name: Suspended Animation
Make me believe that substances you abuse give you depth
You're inept cause everything you see, you focalize in Novocain dreams
The pain you try to mask it renders apathy

Kobefam Dad and Vi are on their knees
Begging you to help them ease the pressure, the pain, insanity's game
To them you are divine and all their faith is in your hands

David Azure Blue, look at you, you piece of shit
You're the one who started it
When Scarlet walked out, you knew without a doubt that you would
Inject a needle to dissect your broken heart

Violet Rose Belligerence
Patience was your greatest vice
Now you pop pills to get high
Instant release into disease, you make haste
What goes up must come down and fall into it's place

Both of you are trapped in suspended animation
Neither living nor dead, pupils dilated
David life escapes you, Violet life it drains you
Battle your addiction to improve your self-depiction

Both of you are trapped in suspended animation
Neither living nor dead, in the grey jaded
James he slipped away
I'm still the Zelig to this day
Mourning Star your bright light overshadowed gypsy nights

What do you see in him?
(1/2/3: Kobefam)
What do you see in him?
(1/2/3: so-called/wasted/lucid god)
What do you see in him that you don't see in [...]?
[1/2/3: greed/family/me]
(1/2: take me in/cleanse my sins)

What do you see in him?
What do you see in him?
What do you see in him that you don't see in yourself?
Track Name: Rosetta & Polarity
You're not welcome here anymore
Life it goes on when you pack your things and leave it all
Behind your smile there is a frown
That renders you joyful when you're, when you're turned upside down

Find out what you love and let it kill you
Cry the pain away
The salt from your tears will cleanse all your ailing wounds
That you gave yourself with that dagger of a mind you possess

And you're not welcome there either
And life it stands still when you freeze time
With your cold stare that hinders
Your capability to see the sun shine on a cloudy day

Find out who you are and please embrace it
Give yourself a break
Your self-deprecation and twisted observation of your hidden innovation is what is holding you back
Let loose from the noose that strangles your troubled soul

Breaking into your own house
You locked yourself out
When you swallowed the key.
Track Name: Anarchy in the City
There is anarchy in the city of the restless mind
And the people aren't so kind
And there is anarchy in this very domesticity
This house is a home but it lacks a family

Do you remember when we had those hopeless fantasies
About who we wanted to be?
Despite the letters that I wrote we were always at our parents' throats
I'm sorry but I can't devote
My time to all their aspirations
I need to meet my own

There is anarchy in the city of the restless mind
And the people aren't so kind
And there is anarchy in this very domesticity
This house is a home but it lacks a family

Do you recall when you cried when your best friend Amy died?
She was already dead inside
Sister I can't help but feel that little Amy wasn't real
But rather a greater appeal
To your own self-esteem
It never ends, it's a reoccurring dream

There is anarchy in the city of the restless mind
And the people aren't so kind
And there is anarchy in this very domesticity
This house is a home but it lacks a family.
Track Name: Resent
Violet is gone and I miss her
She ran away to inhibit her decay
David kept beating Mom, so Belligerence cut him up and left
At least he felt something for once



My sister will never be more than a tenant to him
And just like his new scars, her eviction is permanent
Not a single record of her existence remains under his roof
He burned the evidence, so I'll burn ours too



Xanax and Cabernet was their only form of father-daughter time
Instead of killing the pain they killed time
And while Scarlet kills time searching for her baby girl
I will live up to my arson moniker



Here is a home
Strip it of its family and it becomes a house
Drench it in propane tears, ignite it and it becomes art
I will burn this fucking house to the ground and I will have the last word.
Track Name: Juneau (Aiden the Insignificant)
Thinking about all the times I fell down to the ground
You were there soothing me with sedating sounds
And here I sleep and I dream till all the pain is gone
All the gashes and bruises they've been here way too long

(My love) If I asked you to hold my hand would you do it?
You'd probably say no
There's a life that I want to live free of regret
Hatred and sin, tonic and gin
But I can't cause I burned down the house and there's no going back
No going back

Breaking every single tie I had with family
Mom and Dad they split apart tearing at the seams
And here I weep and I scream till all the pain is gone
All the memories good and bad they make me feel withdrawn

(My love) If I asked you to hold my hand would you do it?
You'd probably say no
There's a life that I want to live free of regret
Hatred and sin, tonic and gin
But I can't cause I burned down the house and wish I could forget
Oh I regret

Don't forgive my sins

Suicide pervades my thoughts
My 45 is waiting for me in a box on the top shelf
You suggested that I change in order to make you feel a certain way about yourself
Happiness is only real when it's shared with those who care and know just how you feel
An Insignificance I am to world and all my friends we've become so estranged

Insignificant that's what I am
Why am I alive?
Just kill me so I can die
An insignificance that's who I am
No one knows my name
It doesn't matter it's all the same
Insignificant that's what I am
I've seen better days
Through my everlasting gaze
An Insignificance that's who I am
Here are my famous last words

Please forgive my sins.
Track Name: Live
Live for today, tomorrow, and the next
Live to risk complacency for growth
Live, for there is beauty and strength in vulnerability
Live to love



Live to connect, create, and share with others
Live for change
Live to experience the full spectrum of human emotions
Live, for there is life outside of your own.
Track Name: The Restless Mind
She, oh, she told him he's worthless to mankind
But he, he tries to erase her from his restless mind
But he can't because he remains scared
And he tried so hard to give the world to her, his dear
But she only wanted love

Here he stands
A man on a journey to seek his purpose in life
But how can he pursue his dream
When she's destroyed his will to live?

Say what she wants you to say now
David you've lived in fear thinking that you were never good enough
She speaks the truth when she says somebody else
Has been found
She's the amethyst but you are the diamond in the rough

Life's too short to live in fear
Seize the day, the rest of your life starts here
Prove them wrong and sing your song
Remember I am always here standing by listening

Here he stands
A man on a journey to seek his purpose in life
But how can he pursue his dream
When she's all that he's dreamt?

Go and show them what you're worth
Brand new start, a rebirth
Go and show them what you've done
Individuality has won

Time goes by and she's still on his mind
And Scarlet Rose you should know that dad's alright.
Track Name: Forgive
I've let my fluctuation of serotonin sabotage happiness for too long
It is time I forgive myself and my family, as letting go will propel our souls into serenity



To my mother, Scarlet Rose Red:
You were right to ask for the divorce
Your bipolar nature morphed your love into different shades of mania and melancholy
You recognized that all of us needed to go our separate ways
It was for the best and I was wrong to question your motives
And though I struggle to express it, know that part of me will always love you genuinely



To my father, David Azure Blue:
You were tired of living a lie
Your borderline personality predisposed you to fragmenting and manipulating your relationships
You started multiple families in multiple places before ours to fill the void that was your childhood
Despite your absent-mindedness, you were the only one of us not to abandon ship, and I commend you
Though I struggle to express it, know that part of me will always love you deep down



To my sister, Violet Rose Belligerence:
You were the one to set you free
Your dysmorphic perception of your body was belligerent at worst
You rejected the shelter of privilege in order to see the world as it is
May the moniker of aggression no longer hold back your smile, and may our paths cross again in time
And though I struggle to express it, know that part of me will always love you without a doubt



To Jade Sinclair:
You remain an enigmatic messenger of mediation
Your guidance through the boxcar nights, trip to the Joshua trees, return to the homestead and up to the nuclear diaspora is the reason I'm still here
You sent yourself to speak for Joshua
I can't thank you enough



As for me, I will patiently serve time for my crime of arson
All that remain are the tracks that pave the path I once traveled
Although society will forever cast me on the outskirts, what I have to share is no underdog story
I must recognize that much of my anguish is derived from the distorted lens of my looking glass
And now as I remove the filter, I can finally see the light at the end of the tunnel, and it has never shined brighter.